Confessing to Rukia
by KiyaMadarame
Summary: The title is quite explicit. Countless opportunities lie in front of Renji for him to tell her his feelings and for her to return them. Cute stuff, Funny stuff, slightly angsty stuff, but nothing too cheesy.
1. Just Make a Wish

**Taken from a previous fic called Understanding**

Confessing to Rukia - Just make a wish

* * *

_How did it all started? … Maybe it was that time… It seemed like ages ago, and it'd been a few weeks only… Flashback_

_After all this time, even after he helped in her rescue from Soukyoku hill, even after the heavens granted his long forsaken wish of getting a bit of intimate friendship back between the two of them… It had been months since the Soul Society events, and days since they had left Las Noches… wounded, but alive. Thank God the captains were able to rescue them. _

_Renji watched __the crimson__ skies above him. Behind the wall he was leaning on, Rukia was slowly recovering. A miracle he hadn't, not even in the slightest, helped create. He wanted to protect her so bad, and sometimes he would even fantasize about saving her from a thousand perils, earning his captain's respect and enough guts to start speaking to her in different terms… upgrade their relationship to a new one… get promoted to being a lover… be with her. _

_The redhead laughed bitterly under the crimson skies. "Don't you hate it…" Kira used to say… God , if only he could know how he freaking hated it! He hit the wall, fists clenched hard. Sometimes he just wanted to hurt himself. Tear his own flesh into tiny bits to tell the stupid world just how much he hated it. "Why in the world does it have to be like this?!!" he shouted without thinking. Suddenly, he realized he wasn't alone. Not that he had been very swift, shouting like that out of the blue… He looked at the figure a few feet away; it was Kuchiki Byakuya. The last person in Soul Society he wanted to see now._

"_Cap…"_

"_You really have the ways of the rude, Renji. You look miserable." Byakuya interrupted him. The younger shinigami froze, a confused look on his face. He knew Byakuya would be furious at him for letting Rukia get as hurt as she'd been, but he had once again underestimated the ability the proud Kuchiki had of shooting words that pierced through people like arrows._

"…_Capt…"_

"_Renji." Byakuya interrupted him again. "I don't want losers in my division, especially not my vice-captain; it's embarrassing." Renji choked at the word "loser". _

"_Losers go around crying on lost battles", the captain continued, slowly. "Winners make sure disgrace never comes their way again. It's true on the battlefield, and so it is in real life. I don't want to find you sitting in the dust shouting that kind of nonsense ever again."_

_And he walked away._

_These words got to his brain, leaving certain uneasiness, but he knew they were true. If he really wanted to protect Rukia, he should be training 24 hours a day until he was strong enough. _"…and so it is in real life…"_ Train, and throw himself in the toughest battles, until he conquered a hundred victories. That was what he should do. _Throw himself in the toughest battles…_ Could it be that he had been a coward? Afraid of not being worthy? More or less expecting to fail… _"…You really have the ways of the rude and uneducated…"_ The ways of a stray dog… These needed to change. He needed to change his ways._

He watched Rukia, lying by his side. Her eyes were half open already, but she was still sleepy. With a ravenous smile, he buried his head in the sheets, heading for her neck to which he slowly blowed the most erotic kiss. He had dared, and he was being rewarded for his boldness. He brought his lips to hers, passionately, and she returned his kiss with a little laugh. The sun wasn't rising yet, they still had some time to themselves… His mouth traveled, slowly, over her body, taking the time to enjoy the trip. They were used to early morning love anyway. Which better way to start the day? Which better way to watch the sunrise than through half open eyes, bright colored butterflies in their eyes making the scene almost irrealistic, almost trance-like. She was laughing at his tease. It had been a month. One month and more than a few encounters. Half a dozen times that she would come to his room. In his bed. She was burying her hands in his messy hair. "Shhh", he half-laughed, half-growled in her ear, before nipping it with his teeth. The butterflies were there already, obstructing their vision as the sun started his course at the horizon. She grabbed the sheets with her toes, and her back arched harder as they became one. God, she tasted so good… He grabbed her hips, strongly, but gently, and led their bodies in a hypnotic dance… He knew she was biting her lips now, like she always did. She whispered his name, so desperately it gave him chills. He knew he was driving her crazy, and he was afraid he'd lose his mind too. She tasted so good…

The sun would be up soon, but another evening would come. And he would be there to treasure it.


	2. A Kiss in the Rain

Confessing to Rukia – A Kiss in the Rain

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So they were back in the real world for the time being. It was raining today, and on days like this, he felt so incredibly lonely. He wanted to hold her in his arms, and hold her so tight their bodies would meddle in each other's. He was sitting under the rain on a lone bench in the deserted playground, watching the setting sun, red like in his childhood memories, glorious and beautiful despite the rain pour. Days like this were rare and precious, even if they were painful, and today he wanted to get lost in the raindrops.

Suddenly, he realised that someone was standing in front of him. Lifting his eyes, he saw Rukia handing him a spare umbrella, a concerned look on her face. He thought he heard her asking what he thought was doing. Her scolding him brought back so many memories, and he wanted to hold her in his arms so badly. Freeze time. Turn into a bug that would hide in her hair, buzzing his way into her dreams.

He pulled her to him and kissed her, his touch reflecting all the sadness and hurt, and he didn't even know why he should feel sad or hurt. But that would be it. He had messed everything up. Surely she would reject him, and that was so cruel because she did taste wonderful like he had imagined her to be. So sweet. Her umbrella fell to the ground, and her heart pumped furiously in her chest. They parted, and what he saw in her face left him speechless: confusion, weakness, desire, fear and hope, reminiscing… She seemed to ask him why he had to make her wait so long before granting her with such an amazing kiss. Her blue eyes seemed wet, but somehow he knew that it wasn't because of the rain pouring over their heads.

She took his face in her hands and returned the kiss. It felt so incredibly warm.


	3. Control The Burning Red Sun

**We were wondering about how it came to that burning red sun stuff, right? I think I found the details... ;) Sorry for reusing stuff over and over ... It's no sham, it's just that I never stop working on these texts, putting them in order again and again, like I do with my room and my papers... :p Building stories is soo complicated and I'm so bad at it...**

**To read listening to "Never meant to Belong" (Bleach OST I)**

Control - The Burning Red Sun

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Control. His skill at it couldn't possibly be compared to that of his captain, but still, he considers that he's not doing that bad. Given his nature, he's even impressed by his performance… 

41 years of her in the Kuchiki Clan… So distant, yet so close…and not once did he lose his mind. Watching the never-ending dance of days and seasons passing by, trying to put together, or rather, invent a life without her.

Maybe that was a chance that he fixed himself the goal to surpass her new brother, because, if he hadn't had all the hard work to fill the void, he might have gone mad.

But still, nothing could have prepared him to what awaited him in the real world. Her, up against him to protect some guy. Off course he lost against the boy, he was so out of himself he might just have thrown Zabimaru away and ran at the redhead's throat with his bare teeth. But he didn't. Not that time, neither so many other…

And now he was facing the hardest part of the post RenRu-together-forever phase. They had gotten closer again – thanks to Ichigo (sic) – but now he couldn't get fear out of his gut. He had realised that she might walk way farther away, that she might fall _in love_ with some other guy. They had gotten closer again, but things were still so mild. And he still couldn't get himself to make things change. Maybe he was just a coward, too afraid to face the possibility of a "I feel about you in a different way…" crap. Or even worse, a "Between me and Ichigo…" disaster.

Or maybe he could just stay still, watching the gap between them grow wider and wider…until she choose him as the godfather to a child whose father he would long to kill every instant until the end of his miserable life, destroyed by grief. Or maybe he would be able to bear it, after all, who knew? He hadn't gone crazy in the past 41 years, had he?

Renji sighs as Rukia smiles at him from a distance while sheating her beautiful Sode No Shirayuki. Then she walks to him, exhausted, yet radiant in the warm colors of the setting sun. He remains seated at the back entrance to the officer's annex training grounds, thinking that maybe, he had asked too much of his self-control center already. Sleep was getting harder and harder to get since they had been back in Soul Society, and no earth-shattering battle stood now as an excuse for him, one single worry being the cause of his insomnia.

He thinks he might just loose his cool any second…Not that self-control was in his nature in the first place…

…

In the quietness of this late afternoon hour in Seireitei, the changing rooms in the officers' annex training grounds were supposed to be empty.

As the sun burned dead in it's crimson mantle, far, so far away, Rukia, too, was about to collapse from the red burning passion in those eyes, hands, lips, and tongue…Damn, this heat in Renji's whole body was seriously taking over her.

The sweat made her hair stick to her neck, as she drowned under his kisses.

Her shivering hands clung to his chest. She was moaning, whining weakly in his arms, and the soft touch of the surrendering of her hips made him look at her tenderly, and a smile appeared at the corner of his lips.

That damn Captain of his could kill him later if he felt so, it didn't matter. Nothing else did.

And he promised to himself they'd do it again. Letting her go was out of the question. He wouldn't be **that** stupid.

…

Days, then weeks passed, and although they knew they shouldn't, they had met several times, in every dark corner they might run into when they were alone. It felt weird. They weren't used to this kind of secret activities, so at least they kept on deciding not to do it anymore before having the time to think properly. But still, every time they happened to meet, her heart came to beat faster, heat rushed through her from head to toe. From the look in his eyes, she could tell he felt the same too. And so they somehow always ended the same way, sweating and messed up; confused…And smiling.


	4. The Changing Room Conspiracy

**Slightly random and slightly OOC, maybe... but shinigamis have hormones too, you know? lol ...And I would definitely do that. So I don't think it's OOC ;p**

Confessing to Rukia - The Changing Room Conspiracy

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Shinigamis need breaks once in a while, too, and real rest involves a "no-gigai" rule. Gigais made you numb (slightly), weakened your powers (especially if you had a hougyouku buried inside), heck! Gigais were the cause to Aizen's treachery. Full stop. And Gigais hushed down hormones. Rangiku was grining wildly at the sight of all her fellow shinigamis enjoying the sea breeze and playing in the water. Ichigo, Ikkaku and Renji were setting challenges and competing, the little white-haired captain was sitting on a chair dozing off, his feet teased by the dying waves that dared come up to him (more than a few freezing in the process, as it turned out to be). Yumi was lying on the sand, breathing in all the wonderful beautifying properties of the sea breeze (material) on a shinigami's skin (immaterial). So incredibly candid of him. The smile on the n°1 big-boobed shinigami's beautiful face widened. Her prey was right there, chatting with Orihime. Her raven hair were stylishly pulled up, deepening her natural class. Today more than ever, she was radiant. Rangiku's smile grew even wider, which gave her a little Gin-ish look for a second. Everything was boob-perfect. 

She had been able to talk the little party into taking a week-end break from Karakura, in shinigami form. They had been able to get nice bathing suits for both guys and girls from Urahara-sama the Genius, and even immaterial sake from Soul Society! And they hadn't had to pay a dime, for the humans couldn't see them. With all the ruckus they made, though, the poor guys thought there were being haunted, and now everything in a mile radius was empty. Boob-perfect, Matsumoto-level. Now Hitsugaya was back at the hotel, and she had managed to get all the others plain drunk. All but Rukia (Orihime was fast asleep), but that wasn't a problem. Hormones were there to do the job. She felt somehow sorry for the certainly most painful hangover they would all get the following day, but her cause was worth that tiny sacrifice. She convinced Rukia to go change and head for the hotel while she took care of the drunken lot. Then she waited for a minute after the young Kuchiki entered the room, and went to Renji, telling him the same thing and showing him the same changing room the raven haired girl had disappeared into. It was so easy.

Renji opened the door.

"Matsumoto?" Rukia called before jumping with a gasp at the sight of the frozen redhead in front of her… or at least he was almost frozen, just slightly dizzy, his face even redder than it was because of the alcohol. "Rukia?" he said in a low voice. He lowered his gaze after staring a few seconds, smiling shyly and scratching his head in a very cute way. "I'm just here for a second", he stuttered, turning his back to the blushing shinigami and starting to put his things on the bench. Rukia's head tilted on the side, grabbing a bathrobe while watching Renji. Was he really going to change here, now?

Then she remembered that they used to do it when they were kids. Waiting in underwear for their only clothes to dry… Yes, her childhood friend was drunk after all. She still remembered those little things clearly, although his body used to be very different back then… She could hear Matsumoto arguing with all the others, far away… Nobody was around…The lieutenant was moving incredibly slowly, and his hands finally came to rest on the hem of his bathing suit. She had to stop her crazy brain _now_. Suddenly, she realized that if he was drunk, he might forget everything by tomorrow…

So without word, she watched Renji getting undressed. She wasn't breathing anymore, staring shamelessly at his amazing body. She thought it would be nice if he would dance around a bit...

His questionning gaze met hers, and she thought that even for someone as drunk as he was, her greedy stare might have been very explicit... The redhead blushed a bit, but didn't say anything as slowly, he reached for the pile of clothes and proceeded to put his underwear on, inside out. She had to repress a chuckle, which slightly relaxed her. When he started looking confused at his suddenly very hard to wear trousers, she gave a little laugh and came to help him. A few times, her hand brushed his skin, and she could feel blood rushing wildly in his veins. She didn't look, but she was afraid she knew what was going on. Her own heart was beating kind of furiously too, so she tried to concentrate on putting his t-shirt on, but her gaze got caught on the patterns of his tattoos, and she couldn't help following them down to his nape... Her head snapped up, just to meet his lips. He kissed her gently for a very short instant before parting and whispering, cheeks wildly flushed:

"I need you, Rukia..."

She jerked back and started babbling nonsense, but he just looked slightly surprised before frowning and muttering: "I don't mean it like that… I mean, I want to be with you…" He paused for a second to think of a strong enough way of saying it that didn't imply anything else. "…I like you. A lot. To death…?" ...He seemed to really mean it. Talk about a sentimental hot drunker…

She felt all warm inside, and returned his chaste kiss with a little smile before untying her bathrobe and reaching for her own pile of clothes. "I don't... mind you staying there...", she added. He blushed harder than ever.

Following morning. You'd think that Hueco Mundo had found a chemical weapon that worked on shinigamis only. They all looked like they were about to die. Rukia tsked at the poor picture the guys made when she stepped in the room to give them some hangover soup Orihime had made for them. Upon meeting Renji's eyes, both blushed, and he averted his eyes. His face was crazy red, and realization dawned on her. He remembered. She blushed harder and hurriedly put the trays on the table before walking out of the room, noticing that her childhood friend looked very attractive with that slightly feverish look. Ichigo tilted at their reaction, but his head hurt too much for him to tease them. Further questioning of an overly grinning Matsumoto revealed that the redhaired lieutenant _always_ remembered _very well_ what he did when he was drunk.

How embarassing. The young Kuchiki went to her room to let a silent scream out. Once it was out, she felt better and smiled.


	5. Rainy Nights

**It's past 4 and I have classes at 8... Oops.**

**This fic happens let's say, 10 years after Rukia was adopted in the Kuchiki clan...? Years before the SS arc anyway. I like to think that something happened in-between. : )**

Rainy Nights

* * *

It's another one of those rainy nights, sad nights that leave her soul drenched in loneliness. Another one of those rainy nights when she wonders "what if?". What if she had said her mind and chosen not to become part of this etiquette carnival… What if she hadn't been a coward, if she had trusted the guts that made her cry that day when the only precious thing they had came to fall apart. 

But she was, and now she wants to see him. She knows it's the only thing that can cure her pain, or at least, make her heart numb enough to ease it. She feels like making foolish attempts at catching scarlets skies that don't belong to her horizon anymore.

So she leaves the house; with the rain pour and Byakuya away at some important banquet, nobody notices her as she trails off whithout bothering to bring an umbrella. First, because it's swifter, and second… she doesn't really know why. She just feels like it. Maybe she wants to be punished. Maybe she wants to get sick to have some cold to hide her blues and heart sickness behind. Under the rain she walks anyway, trailing along the walls, following corridor after corridor. The Kuchiki household is quite far from the center Seireitei where the divisions' barracks are, and somehow she's glad for the long distance she has to walk. She thinks maybe it can bring her some sanity back, or at least make her sick enough to see a white light.

Meanwhile, for him it's another boring night. He puts things in order, memories and regret and bitterness all properly sealed away. Today again he made significant progress toward what he calls his life-long goal, and he's now master in the art of convincing himself that it's keeping him content. Satisfaction is quite a blurry concept… Or maybe it's him having had too strongly conflicting desires in the beginning. Anyway, he's comfortable in his loosely tied yukata, ready to go to sleep – or rather, ready to chase it – when there's someone knocking at the door.

Surprise. He lets the questioning aside, and welcomes his childhood friend turned inaccessible noble in at the brunette's expression. Something's obviously wrong with her, but no words come to him past the mild "Hi, Rukia... Are you ok?" In a polite way, she asks him if she can come in, and with equal ceremony, he lets her. God, did their relationship really get that bad? He would want to be left alone to grieve some more on the subject, but she really looks like she needs comfort, so he doesn't protest when she walks in his arms. For some time, he couldn't say how long, they stand motionless in the doorway. What is he supposed to do now? At some point, she realizes that she has to break the hug, and both don't really know what to say. Then good fortune brings him an idea.

"Hey, just go over there and take a sit. I'll go and make some tea…"

She nods, and proceeds to the little living room. While the water boils, each is left alone to think of what to say and do next.

Did their relationship really get that bad?

The water is hot, the cups are wiped and carefully placed on the tray. It reminds him of how people tend to assume he is the messy type, when it's pretty inexact. And even if he was, who could keep his bad habits under Kuchiki's command? Assumptions, expectations, limits. The Kuchiki name rings full of all those words, and the sad truth is, that's what her last name spells like now... maybe it was better when she didn't have any at all. As he sees her again, he realizes that she's still drenched and shivering slightly, probably cold to the bones. He leaves the tray on the little table and hurries to get her a towel.

When she just sits there with said towel in her hands, lost in her thoughts, he grabs it and proceeds to dry her himself. Spontaneous actions are what will take him to the death row someday, he thinks as he watches his large hands rubbing her head dry. Then comes the neck, and it feels just weird. She's like electrified, a shudder runs down her spine and shakes her lips, and it's with a weak, hesitant arm that she takes his wrist, a broken voice with which she stutters:

"Renji, I…"

She buries her head in his chest and grabs the hem of his yukata with her trembling little hands. She doesn't seem able to say anything more than "I…", and it's terribly confusing. He takes her face in his hands and stares a second into the wet blue filled with emotion almost too strong to be held in such a tiny body. He can't help kissing her like she belongs to him and he cares. When did the kiss end to give way to their first night of unrequited love ? Time ought to have frozen forever at that time...

But the following day, things are back the way they were again. Damn did that hurt, having tasted each other and knowing they'd better let go.

-

And now, after all those years, countless unexpected turns of events and other battles, they stare at each other as the sun prepares to rise once again. They know their thoughts are going to the same memories, and the things they're sharing right now are just like a miracle. This time again, her brother knows, but he doesn't try to interfere anymore. Not that they would obey like good little kids anyway. He knows the days of obedience before the order is even given are gone, the days when they thought there was something more to protect than those feelings, their treasure. And the truth is, the Head of the Kuchiki clan wouldn't want to interfere. They all grew up. Thank heaven, they all grew stronger and happier, all expect him though.

But that's another story.

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**Sorry, for the 1st time I went against the rules and dble-posted this chapter, because it perfectly suits both "Love with Her, Love with Him" and "Confessing to Rukia"... All my apologies.**


End file.
